Books Are Dangerous
by Gothicthundra
Summary: When Pietro and Todd get a new book, only the Brotherhood would attempt some of its unmeaningful advice. Which of coarse means the X-men are their test subjects.


**Notice:: **So I got this book a few years ago called 'The Jumbo Duct Tape Book' by Jim and Tim the Duct Tape Guys.... which is nearly 500 mad duct tape ideas and well... needless to say it's inspired some great Brotherhood stories to form in my head, so there will be more eventually. Also, my new word processor rocks, because it self memorizes everything I type so everytime I write something an X-men: Evolution quote pops up.... I'm easily amused.

Part 1 in The Duct Tape Series.

**Books Are Dangerous**

Wanda sat in the living room, for once enjoying the peace and quite of the house. Lance was fixing the heater in the basement, supposedly getting a head start on winter, even though it just became summer. Mystique was out doing who knows what, Fred was perfecting a delicious cake in the kitchen, which he planned on eating when completed, and Pietro and Todd... well they'd said they where going shopping about four hours ago. She heard the jeep pull up, and the doors slam, followed by a voice from the basement.

"STOP SLAMMING THOSE DOORS!" Lance's voice rang.

"Oh shut it Rocky," said Pietro walking into the house with Todd, both holding nothing.

"I don't see any groceries?" said Fred, leaning in from the kitchen.

"We got distracted," said Todd, sitting next to Wanda and pulling out a large book from his coat pocket.

"You see, there was this book store..." Pietro was cut off.

"What you get?" asked Lance, with a sigh as he came up the basement steps.

"You two... spent four hours in a book store?" asked Wanda.

"Didn't Mystique forbid you two from going to bookstores after the whole Romeo and Juliet fiasco?" asked Fred, with a laugh.

"Well, it was completely unrealistic, yo," said Todd, with an eye roll.

"Yeah, turns out most teenage girls scream and throw stuff if you try to swoon them with poetry in the middle of the night..." said Pietro.

"What?" asked Wanda, putting her book down.

"Wanda, I would like to introduce you to the first Brotherhood arrest involving more than one member," said Lance, with a chuckle.

"Those charges were dropped, yo," said Todd quickly.

"If the cops in Bayville would have known you then as well as they do now, they wouldn't have let them drop the charges," said Fred.

"In all honesty, I think Jean had a crush on us," said Pietro.

"Yeah, it was more like Roxanne, yo," laughed Todd.

"I'm going to use the basement computer," said Wanda, standing up and heading to the basement.

"Why?" asked Pietro.

"To see if there's any pending charges I can scare prosecutors into putting forward," said Wanda.

"So loving," Pietro rolled his eyes and then beamed as he jumped next to Todd, "So where were we?"

"Rule number twenty six," said Todd opening the book as Lance and Fred leaned over the couch, "I think we can be far more creative than this, yo."

"Yeah, but where are we getting enough duct tape for that?" asked Fred.

"We went shopping... just not for groceries," said Pietro calmly as Lance looked out the window.

"What the.... Why is my jeep packed with crates of duct tape..... is that a tow dolly?" asked Lance, opening the door.

"In our defense," said Todd, "We stolen most of it... the dolly's the only thing we actually paid for."

"How many rows of duct tape is that... you know, in the crates?" asked Fred, looking out the window.

"Let's not go into specifics," said Pietro.

"Over 5,000 rolls of duct tape," said Todd looking at the book, "We'll need more Pietro... A lot more..."

"Let's get a base and then work on it, " said Pietro.

Two weeks later, the X-men stood near the cliffs running a training practice. The New Recruits watched as Scott and Kurt demonstrated a defense tactic on a land based enemy. Scott turned to address the team, who looked a little bored, with the exception of Jean... but her face suddenly went blank at the safety discussion. Kitty covered her mouth, Bobby stopped freezing Ray's electricity, which dropped and broke, Jubilee's eyes went wide, Rahne bit her nails, Amara stopped braiding her hair, Jamie was beaming, Roberto was blinking rapidly, Sam froze in mid sit down position, Rogue slapped her forehead, and Kurt's face went dead pan.

"So as I demonstrated earlier, the dan... Kurt?" asked Scott with a deep sigh.

"Ja, Scott?" asked Kurt, his voice one of slight shock.

"Is the Brotherhood behind me?" asked Scott, his voice emotionless.

"Ja..."

"Boat?"

"Ship..."

"Pirates?"

"Uh huh..."

"Swords?"

"More than likely..." said Kurt.

"Bring it," said Scott, as he turned around.

A giant pirate ship constructed out of duct tape sailed towards them on the slightly calm sea. An instant flashback to Pirates of the Caribbean flew into mind for most of the spectators. Wolverine walked out, looked up, and turned on his heel, heading back in the mansion. Scott crossed his arms as he saw Lance standing Captain Morgan style on the look out post. A luscious captain hat made of duct tape, along with pirate attire, was attached to his normal uniform.

"X-men ahoy!" yelled Lance, duct tape support beam where Lance had moved to stand, touched the cliff, letting him walk onto the ground.

"They've finally lost it," said Kitty, shaking her head.

"In there defense, they nevah really had it," said Rogue with a groan.

"Brotherhood! Set forth upon our mission!" said Lance, as Todd and Pietro arrived on either side of him, just as lavish and duct taped.

"Alvers! What the hell...." Scott's words were cut off as Pietro zipped over, slapping duct tape on his mouth, in the blink of an eye he was wrapped in duct tape and thrown over Todd's shoulder.

"Jean!" yelled Kurt, about to teleport, but he was frozen in place.

"I didn't stay home," said Wanda, holding all the X-men unmovable, she too dressed as a duct taped pirate.

"They've infected her," said Kitty, eyes wide.

"In all honesty, she was in a mental institution before them," whispered Rogue in he ear.

"Will you all grow up and put Scott back!" yelled Jean, "Your so..... what are you doing?"

The Brotherhood got back on the ship and in the blink of an eye, the duct tape ship was gone, Scott along with them. Rogue and Kitty looked at one another, signaling the New Recruits to head inside. Kurt headed to the X-van as soon as he could. Jean stomped off towards the garage and jumped in the X-van, shoving Kurt over, as Kitty and Rogue dove in. They arrived at the Brotherhood house faster than usual, to see Scott duct taped to the top of the front tree, a duct tape princess hat and scarf on his head, his mouth still duct taped.

"Mein GOTT! Vhere did they get a dragon!?" asked Kurt as a small blue dragon stood in front of the tree.

"I..... I honestly can't explain that..." said Rogue, eyes wide.

"I'm sick of this, Kurt... get the bat..." said Jean, opening the door.

"Vhat!?" yelled Kurt.

"Sword fight," said Kitty, he sighed in relief and grabbed the bat.

"Avast! The X-Dorks have arrived!" yelled Lance as the Brotherhood surrounded Scott and the dragon.

"Lance, come on," grumbled Kitty walking towards them with a bored voice.

"The X-wench approaches, Captain!" yelled Fred.

"Wench?! Did you just...." Kitty was cut off.

"Men.... and Wanda... Stand down! She be no harm, eye lass, what do you request?" asked Lance.

"Uh, I don't know. Like, release Scott?" asked Kitty, keeping an eye on Kurt, Jean, and Rogue.

"What will you trade?" asked Pietro, using his duct tape sword to poke her.

"Ow! Lance!" yelled Kitty.

"Pietro..." sighed Lance, but before he could blink Kitty was gone and up in the tree with Scott, thrown over Pietro's shoulder.

"LANCE!!!!!" yelled Kitty.

"For gods sake...." said Jean, "Kurt, attack!"

"Mutiny!" yelled Lance, "Release her, you scurvy sea roadrunner!"

"Cue dragon..." said Wanda, as Todd pulled out a remote control, causing the dragon to soar upwards, and grab Kitty out of Pietro's arms.

"MWHAHA... what the.... HEY!" yelled Pietro, "Traitors!"

"Your one to talk Pietro," said Lance, climbing the tree towards Pietro.

"Come and get me Rock head!"

"Scott, I'm coming!"

"Yo, gecko's got a bat....AHHH!"

"LIKE, HELP!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH! GET ME DOWN!!!"

"TOAD! Where is the controller?!"

"Uh... oops..."

"BLOB!"

"RUNAWAY DRAGON!" yelled Todd.

"KITTY!!!"

"Call Arcade!"

"Call Forge!"

"Call the Air Patrol!"

"CALL SOMEBODY! JUST GET ME DOWN!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!"

"I hate Tuesday's," sighed Rogue, picking up her cellphone.

**THE END**


End file.
